I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
