This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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