wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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