he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
