oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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