i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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