Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
