Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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