I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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