I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
