These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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