Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
