my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
