His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
