Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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