Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
