Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
