I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
