You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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