oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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