I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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