No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
