Got a toothbrush?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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