Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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