Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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