I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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