Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
