whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
