"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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