You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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