I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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