i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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