But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
