jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
