You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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