Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
