he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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