Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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