I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
