FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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