fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
