He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
