Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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