Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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