i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
