So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
