I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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