Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
