I seem to have left my pride at pride
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
