So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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