roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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