I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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