Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize