threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
