Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
