Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
