Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
do nipples grow back?
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