Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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