I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
