Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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