I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize