I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
