You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
