I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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