I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
