dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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