I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
