Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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