i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Acid is not a monday night drug
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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