I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
