Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
